dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize