Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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