I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
