i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
