Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
