I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
