After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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