Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
