you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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