i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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