I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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