Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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