last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
