You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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