If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
