yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
