thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize