I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
