sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
