i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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