yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
