Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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