people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize