4 words: hood of his car
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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