I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
