Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
