please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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