I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
