so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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