I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
