my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
