420 ftw
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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