so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
