That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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