i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
