Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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