She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Girls should come with a carfax report
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
