The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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