I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
