Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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