I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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