lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
