how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
