i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
