As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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