I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
