he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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