I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize