oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
