I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
