I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Panties = found
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
