I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
