dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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