we're chasing vodka with high fives
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We left an ass print on the piano.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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