When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
