What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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