I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
