My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
