dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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