This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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