I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize