you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
