I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
