O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
