My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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