If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
